Top 10 Signs Of A Codependent Relationship With An Addict And Ways To Fix It

These present-moment practices can help you experience more “flow” in the here and now with less anxiety about the future. This, in turn, can increase trust in your own present-moment experiences. “I approve of these painful feelings. They’re a part of being human.”

It can be tricky to recognize this fear, as you may not be consciously aware that you have it. For example, maybe she doesn’t call you when she says she will, or he constantly cancels dates or drinks too much alcohol. But you justify their behavior — it’s not that bad — because you don’t want them to leave you. Alta Mira offers comprehensive treatment for people struggling with drug and alcohol addiction as well as co-occurring mental health disorders and process addictions. Contact us to learn more about our renowned Bay Area programs and how we can help you or your loved one start the journey toward lasting recovery.

You talk about your partner’s issues more than your own.

Local experts share the latest information and resources on all things mental health. Codependent behavior could be a response to early traumatic experiences, and you can make significant strides in overcoming it. There is help available if you find that you have codependent tendencies. If you find yourself in a partnership like this, it may work if both partners can begin the process of healing through therapy and self-reflection. Because people with narcissistic tendencies can fear abandonment, they often tend to seek out people who will stay close and constantly check in with them.

You take responsibility for your partner’s behavior and actions

They exhibit an exaggerated sense of self-importance and flamboyance and consider themselves above the rest of the world. They show low levels of empathy and have no regard for the emotions and feelings of others. I was diagnosed with borderline and narcissistic traits within CPTSD on top of really really bad codependency. I started DBT for those, and then moved on to psychodynamic treatment to develop that half-self which appeared due to sub-par parenting and/or abuse, which is the source of codependency. This took a long, long time and was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

When your world begins to revolve around your partner’s unhappiness at work, family drama, or financial troubles, it’s unhealthy for you. “Your life is almost like a reflection of theirs, so their problems, worries, and anxieties are your primary importance,” says Hafeez. If you and your partner’s conversations always center on what’s going on with them, and never on anything you’re dealing with, you could be in a codependent relationship. “This is one of the easiest ways to fall into a codependent relationship,” says Hafeez. It goes back to the idea of needing to feel needed, which often stems from relationships in your childhood. “Treating your partner like a child creates a toxic codependent relationship,” Hafeez adds.

If you find it hard to put your foot down, chances are you are in a codependent relationship. Undermining personal love relationships is a sign your family has problematic boundaries, and you may be playing a role. Codependency plays out in relationships, but it’s rooted in how you feel about yourself. And, since you can only change yourself—not others, changing codependent relationship patterns starts with modifying how you think, feel, and treat yourself. Just as a codependent partner may put your relationship over others, they may also feel dejected when you opt to spend time with your friends or family over them. Shapiro notes that they may struggle with being alone, too.

Codependency, or relationship addiction, is an excessive, all-consuming dependency on a specific relationship. Most codependent relationships involve some form of underlying dysfunction, such as addiction, abuse, or mental illness. Individual or group therapy is very helpful for people who are in codependent relationships. An expert can help them find ways to acknowledge and express their feelings that may have been buried since childhood. In the beginning of recovery, working with a psychotherapist to uncover the deeply hidden aspect of the codependent behavior is essential.

It’s beneficial to work through these issues in order to help you free yourself from the fear of abandonment. You may feel as if you do not have choices in this relationship. However, you do have the freedom to love someone because you choose to and not through dependency. You have the freedom to leave a destructive or harmful relationship. Recognize your ability to choose what you want and what serves you best.The relationship may feel like it is serving the other person much more than it is serving you. Is it your responsibility to take care of this person?

How does a codependent relationship develop?

Carolyn Cole is a licensed psychotherapist in Chicago. Her practice focuses on helping her clients with self-discovery, self-exploration, self-love, and healing the relationship with themselves to create the life they desire. Additionally, it may be helpful to suggest that they work with a therapist to explore their issues. This may help them to better understand the root of their behaviors and to go about the business of change. One of the main hallmarks of a codependent partner is low self-esteem. If your partner is constantly fishing for compliments or regularly looks to you for validation, consider this a strong warning sign.

People with NPD often project their behaviors, and that label, onto others. In life, we’re often upset by many annoyances and frustrations. By staying on the offensive, the gaslighter eventually wears down their victim, who becomes discouraged, resigned, pessimistic, fearful, debilitated, and self-doubting. The victim begins to question her or his own perception, identity, and reality.

Others stop being codependent when they experience environmental changes, such as when a partner becomes sober or they get a new job that requires them to stop care-taking. People with good relationships are supportive of each other, but they also respect each other’s boundaries. A boundary is a limit that establishes what you are willing and unwilling to accept in a relationship. Spend some time thinking about what is acceptable to you. Work on listening to the other person, but don’t allow their problems to consume your life. Practice finding ways to decline requests that step over your boundaries.